There is no secret that after years of being in a relationship things CHANGE! Many of us have spent less than valuable cycles thinking about how “deteriorated” or “changed” our marriages have become… Well, after years of girls night out chats I can say that in most cases relationships just EVOLVE…
Think about it, are you the same person you used to be 5, 10 years ago? Hopefully not! The years come with experiences that make you more mature, they also come with bills, kids, work, social life, menopause, aging… Honestly, do you still think that keeping up with the romance while trying to keep your life in order comes naturally?
My personal answer is NO.
If you want to make things happen (and this applies to anything in life), my humble suggestion is TAKE ACTION, don’t sit there and complain about your other half because that isn’t going to resolve anything!
Ask yourself what would have to happen to achieve that “ideal” happiness you want and need and make a plan… be realistic and set expectations on yourself – not on your partner, this way you avoid frustration. Talk to your other half about your plans to spice thing up in the relationship instead of putting him on the guilty chair…
Here some strategies that have worked for me and my friends!
- Don’t expect anything from your partner, just communicate: we have the bad habit of assuming telepathic powers exist in our husbands… Let’s be real, 90% of the time they barely even listen to us! Write everything you want them to do (with lip stick of course).
- Go on a date night at least twice a month: put it in the calendar and make it happen, no excuses! you need time alone with your partner to talk about grown up topics.
- Find something to do with your free time: if you are lucky enough to have free time, don’t expect your other half to spend every second with you… find things that make you enjoy doing and get busy.
- Focus on the important things: this is a very personal topic since we all have different priorities and goals. Just make sure you use the date nights to let your partner knows what is important to you and what makes you happy (remember it is also not just about you). Be appreciative of life and thankful for the problems you don’t have!
- Stop complaining! No one likes a complainer… be smart and find the way to understand what is going on in your husband’s life… evaluating things from his perspective is a good way to start.
- Remember what made you fall in love: take time to write about the reasons why you fell in love with your husband, never forget!
- Find out what both really enjoy doing and do it together! I am sure there is something for both of you to enjoy, exercising, reading, video games, sports… anything!
- Keep it real! Let’s face it, as much as we would love to live in Cinderella’s world, life goes by quickly and our daily routines leave us exhausted… chocolates and flowers everyday sounds awesome but what is really important at the end of the day is enjoy ourselves and our family… there is no such thing as the perfect man or woman, we all have qualities and defects.
- Things take time – It takes years for relationships to evolve, don’t assume that you are going to change your relationship overnight. The effort is well worth it, know that all good positive results in life requires work.
- Let it Go! Don’t live in the past, today is a gift and that is why they call it the present.
Lastly, please remember every relationship is unique and don’t waste time measuring yours against anyone else’s. Happiness is a choice and the choice is yours!
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